All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
