Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Quick, to the slutcave!
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
