OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
