I accidentally had phone sex last night
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
