some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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