I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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