gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I skipped work to stalk him.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
