when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
