Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
