I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
