Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I just want nice things and good sex
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
