My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
