He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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