This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
