I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
