is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
