my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
