Swine flu. Run for my life!
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
