I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Bring me that man meat
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
