I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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