i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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