Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i think i have herpe
just one?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
