I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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