you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
