i can't believe i had my finger in that
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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