the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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