i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize
