If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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