why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
