Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
is wine microwaveable?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
