That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
