I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I want to be your penis for a week.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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