Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
