Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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