She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
