dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
