Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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