True but thats because hes a fetus.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
