What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
