jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
