My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Randomize
