trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
are you so shy because you have an std?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
