In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I enjoy the company of your penis
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
