That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You did what with his pubic hair?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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