mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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