Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
