i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
