why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
