There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
