did you get engaged???
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
