I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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