dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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